Two Lips

Labels are for soup

2009-01-26T12:45:00.003-07:00

Pick one. And one only.
Vegan, Vegetarian, Pescatarian, Omnivore, Slow Food, Whole Food, Organic, or Walmart.
We have created a society where decisions are made, and forever and always you are deemed "pork salad, no rice, extra cilantro".
But that's not how life works. We make changes.
For example, I now eat green peppers. Yep. Chopped up and cooked! Even on pizza.
So when someone makes defiant and loud proclamations about something they do or do not eat (raw tomatoes, black olives, green onions etc.) I get irritated.
Years ago, I would plan dinner parties around every single guests peculiar taste buds. Now, if you have a problem with mushrooms or skin on your chicken, I will probably ask you to try it. (This stemming from the fact that my children only eat things that are white or that come from a kids meal sack). OR I just won't invite you over. I do remember throwing a very large FIT over black beans. But that's my point... I'm changing!
But much like decisions on which reality tv show you must watch... trying a raw tomato or a black olive from time to time may just make you realize you like it. You MIGHT even stumble upon Rock of Love, or Bad Girls Club and realize it's intensely amusing. (Don't even get me started on Real Housewives... I love 'em all)
This, somehow, defines my struggles of late. I won't pick just one. If I pick vegan, I will crave steak.
How do I know if I now like Ethiopian cuisine and that it was just a bad date? or bad ordering? that ruined it for me.
I'm not saying al Labels are flexible... but most are. And, most are incorrect ways for us to categorize everything into little tiny boxes.

And, like Nip/Tuck, labels are not for everyone.

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond

2009-01-22T09:01:00.001-07:00

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond
by E. E. Cummings

somewhere i have never travelled,gladly beyond any experience,your eyes have their silence: in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me, or which i cannot touch because they are too near your slightest look easily will unclose me though i have closed myself as fingers, you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens (touching skilfully,mysteriously)her first rose or if your wish be to close me, i and my life will shut very beautifully ,suddenly, as when the heart of this flower imagines the snow carefully everywhere descending; nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals the power of your intense fragility:whose texture compels me with the color of its countries, rendering death and forever with each breathing (i do not know what it is about you that closes and opens;only something in me understands the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses) nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15401

House Sitter Available

2009-01-06T10:43:00.002-07:00

I enjoy it. I like sitting on the couch pretending my life is like their life. The glamour and the crap. Looking at the mess, and thinking, wow at least I'm not this messy. I admit to snooping just a tad. Doing the dishes, the laundry and sweeping the floor just doesn't seem so awful when you know you only have to do it this one time. Junk mail. I thought I was the only one! And, when they received more than one mortgage bill in the mail for their many houses, I sighed a huge sigh of relief. At least I only have one (technically) I can barely afford.

But the dogs THE DOGS! Sophie has three legs, and then there is Scout, who Z said "where are the doggie's eyes?, and then Ace. Little Effer Ace. All muscle and likes to lick you. Ew. They are used to having someone home all the time... so a working mommy with two kids, two dogs, one cat, and three other houses is kind of depriving them of love. And they sure can show me!

They managed to get to the third highest shelf in the living room and have since destroyed:

One fancy snowmobiling glove
Two Uggs
One Panda
An entire box of unopened diapers
One bag of christmas bows
A plastic monkey
They tried to get into a packaged gift but the duct tape fooled them
A stuffed aligator
One rug - (yuck!)
My sense of purpose and well-being

But seriously, I can house sit for you. Anytime!

IRON CHEF CITRUS

2009-01-02T14:33:00.003-07:00

I am so upset that my sisters will be leaving the land of salt soon...
but some of the lusciousness has been:
Halibut Ceviche
Roasted Red Pepper Bisque with tangerine cream
Grilled Shrimp with Mango Salad
Vegan Rice with chicken wings
Lemon Cappelini with Caviar
Seared Duck Breast with Lemon Mashed Potatoes
We also had time for:
Prime Rib
Roasted Turkey Breast
Clam Chowder
Spaghetti and Meatballs
We also had time for:
Salads and Appetizers and Wine and Manhattans

Happy New Year!

Advent Calendar

2008-12-15T15:05:00.002-07:00

So we dug out the calendar. I would post a picture of it but I'm sure Otterbutt and Kendall-Jackson prefer the memory of the red fuzzy chocolate heaven of our past than that which lives today.

It has a count down until the day of Christmas... but my kids are really just counting down until Zoe arrives. It is 3 days in counting until they see her and Lily is about ready to jump right out of her skin!!

It doesn't have chocolate in it - exactly. It has a homemade marker (thanks to cameron) that moves from day to day indicating how close it is until Zoe arrives in the kingdom of salt. With pretty much the same exuberance the catholics have for baby jesus' arrival. They are even writing songs!

Songs that go mostly like "merry christmas to you , you live in a zoo, when zoe gets here we will all go to zoo lights"

(imagine jazz hands)

A Meme from Otterbutt

2008-12-10T08:40:00.003-07:00

As Seen at Anastasia's and Inside the Philosophy Factory

1. Started my own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than I can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sung a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched lightening at sea
14. Taught myself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown my own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught myself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke (unfortunately for the audience - not so proud mary)
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant (client)
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance.
47. Had my portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had my picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House.
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life.
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous.
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person.
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake.
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Ridden an elephant

Best Thanksgiving

2008-11-28T08:10:00.002-07:00

I woke up happy.
I slept in. (I know!)
I had coffee with friends and laughed and laughed.
I made pie. (only 4)
I made turkey.
I had the worlds best grilled cheese sandwich.
I took a bath.
I had a mimosa in the bath.
I didn't have to clean or set the table.
Maestra threw a beautiful party.
I managed to ignore most back handed compliments.
I watched Wall -E with kids
(ok I slept - how do you expect me to pay attention without words?)
Dishes are done.
Best Thanksgiving ever!

Winter Love

2008-11-24T11:32:00.002-07:00

This weekend I fell in love with Lily. She has become a sweet faced girl who burps! (a lot!)
She sings and sings and sings. She read me a book. Alice the Fairy is a temporary fairy.

We snuggled on the couch at a slumber party. We ate pancakes in our pj's at the Millcreek Cafe.
She reminded me that I needed gas. We watched a baby monkey at the zoo who was exactly like her! Spunky and brave and willful! (monkey didn't burp as much)

She has my hands. I gave her a webkinz that she has named "Kissy" and he holds all of my love inside of him. So if she ever needs a little mama love she just gives him a squeeze.

One Art

2008-11-19T06:47:00.000-07:00

One Art

by Elizabeth Bishop

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.
Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.
--Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.

First library card

2008-11-16T08:06:00.002-07:00

My son is the proud owner of a Library card. We took the big trip to the downtown library for two reasons yesterday. 1) attain valuable life lessons by getting a library card 2) attain valuable life lessons by attending a rally for equality.

With baby girl on my shoulders, we cheered and clapped and danced for equal rights. Now, this week may not be the best for me to discuss marriage - but what the hell!

My son read his new library book on a bench while equality was getting (quite heatedly) debated. It was a beautiful day and the weather was chilly - my toes are actually still cold.

I will remember this day.

The Letter (with panic)

2008-11-02T09:23:00.003-07:00

Dear Parents,
Police are investigating a case of lewdness near our school playground. This morning a man drove up to the south fence of the playground and exposed himself to a student.
(WHAT!)
The student reacted just as she should. (Did she cry? or scream?) She ran to a teacher who was supervising recess, and that teacher immediately called the police. (oh good they do have phones). Police responded to our playground within 5 minutes. (Why? what else were they doing?!) Unfortunately, the suspect had already fled the scene. (of course)
The school is taking immediate action to protect our students. A barrier will be placed along the fence, limiting the view from the playground to the adjacent parking lot. (one that is just high enough to hide the pants?) Teachers are carrying cell phones (I'm sure they have to pay for their own) and security measures will be in place.
Etc. Etc.

Followed up by an email asking for more parental support during recess. (great - more things working parents can't do)

(Oh and this happened the SAME week we decided to leave our son to play in that playground for After-care. Great. Just Great.

"Well, mom, it didn't happen to me."
"Well what would you do if it did happen?"
"I would tell the teacher."
"And me?"
"Yes."

Kids are on lock down until further notice - I've seen enough Law and Order to know better. We will be in the basement - send provisions.)

Tagged

2008-10-21T19:38:00.002-06:00

I was tagged to do the following ... Answer each sentence with one word. If Aichers only had a blog!!!

Where is your cell phone? Hand
Where is your significant other? Frisbee
Your hair color? Many
Your mother? Aware
Your father? Dead
Your favorite thing? Kitten
Your dream last night? Finally!
Your dream/goal? Mine
The room you’re in? Kitchen
Your hobby? Booze
Your fear? Spiders
Where do you want to be in 6 years? Forty
Where were you last night? Laughing
What you’re not? Thin
One of your wish-list items? Bathroom
Where you grew up? Utah
The last thing you did? Dishes
What are you wearing? Uggs
Your TV? Noggin
Your pet? Farting
Your computer? Crapbag
Your mood? Pepper
Missing someone? P
Your car? Buick!
Something you’re not wearing? Bra
Favorite store? Nordstrom
Your summer? MuMu
Love someone? Many
Your favorite color? White
When is the last time you laughed? Now
Last time you cried? Yesterday

Ok, Libby Logic was terrible at the one word rule. TERRIBLE!

I will tag: Kendall Jackson; Otterbutt; Dr. Write; Econtrario; sarah bellum; huntingforporkchops; and Aichers mysterious nonblog.

Dearest Internet

2008-10-06T16:37:00.002-06:00

Please don't abandon hope. Pretend you are the victim in a Law and Order SVU episode, this is a good thing really, because you know that the most famous actor is ALWAYS the bad guy and Benson and Stabler will come and save the day. They will make this unstable market turn into a sexual predator with a rap sheet and his name on a list. And they will get you into group counseling.

Or pretend that all this hubbub is just a romantic comedy, say, like "Starter Wife" starring Grace. Since Will and Grace split, she has now become a witless nymph on a tiny network. Now that gay is no longer funny the dollar has gone to shit. Clay Aiken sure is funny though, and he's gay. See? Things could turn around.

It's a beautiful day today in Salt Lake. The sun is out, snow capped peaks, red leaves on the tips of the treeline. Don't give up on me. Robinhood was right and there are people who will not turn a blind eye. They will help in this time of need. When more people are hungry and homeless, we will find more of us that can help. I have to believe that when people talk about a GLOBAL economy, a GLOBAL problem, it just means that America has finally gotten bitch slapped. Kabam. If someone can figure out how to make Facebook email me a bumper sticker it thinks I will like - why can't we figure out how to make banking and healthcare easy to manage and control? Spreadsheets are the answer. Spreadsheets and yoga. Oh and white truffle oil. I will give that up though for the cause.

So my little hands are going to make bread and share it - and serve it with plum jam of course.
When you can't fix a problem that was created in the 80's by irresponsible Reaganomics, just take a moment to remember that it's friendships and family and people that are important. Even Internet friendships. Facebook, myspace, blogspot are our new sit-ins.

Let's forget the imaginary debt ratios of a broken society.

OH and please shut Sarah Palin up. Shut her up.

Thank you for understanding internet, I will owe you one.

Oops I did it again.

2008-09-29T10:44:00.002-06:00

I really didn't mean to.

I mean it! I said for three weeks, No. No way. Maybe for your birthday. Maybe in these dark times we need to save all of our love in our hearts for our current loves.

My son, who was brilliant only 2 weeks ago, has now bugged me enough - beaten us down actually. MADE us fall in love with the small runt of a kitten that he watched be born.

Yes I CAVED. CAVED. I'm not proud of it. But if you look at this little face, and this little boy who asked for 8 days and nights STRAIGHT - PLEASSSSEEEEEE can we have a kitten. A gray and white kitten? A cute little kitten who is alone in this world because all of his brothers and sisters perished?

This is why after two trips to Pet Smart yesterday, two phone calls to vets, two appointments made and $146, I had to make an emergency stop after 7pm at Albertsons getting kitten supplies.

I fully understand my mistake.

Hope. It says it all

2008-09-24T08:44:00.002-06:00

www.strangersamoungus.blogspot.com

My son is brilliant

2008-09-19T08:39:00.003-06:00

She says it all

2008-09-15T14:43:00.001-06:00

Gloria Steinem: Wrong Woman, Wrong Message

Wrong Woman, Wrong Message
By Gloria Steinem

Here's the good news: Women have become so politically powerful that even the anti-feminist right wing -- the folks with a headlock on the Republican Party -- are trying to appease the gender gap with a first-ever female vice president. We owe this to women -- and to many men too -- who have picketed, gone on hunger strikes or confronted violence at the polls so women can vote. We owe it to Shirley Chisholm, who first took the "white-male-only" sign off the White House, and to Hillary Rodham Clinton, who hung in there through ridicule and misogyny to win 18 million votes.

But here is even better news: It won't work. This isn't the first time a boss has picked an unqualified woman just because she agrees with him and opposes everything most other women want and need. Feminism has never been about getting a job for one woman. It's about making life more fair for women everywhere. It's not about a piece of the existing pie; there are too many of us for that. It's about baking a new pie.

Selecting Sarah Palin, who was touted all summer by Rush Limbaugh, is no way to attract most women, including die-hard Clinton supporters. Palin shares nothing but a chromosome with Clinton. Her down-home, divisive and deceptive speech did nothing to cosmeticize a Republican convention that has more than twice as many male delegates as female, a presidential candidate who is owned and operated by the right wing and a platform that opposes pretty much everything Clinton's candidacy stood for -- and that Barack Obama's still does. To vote in protest for McCain/Palin would be like saying, "Somebody stole my shoes, so I'll amputate my legs."

This is not to beat up on Palin. I defend her right to be wrong, even on issues that matter most to me. I regret that people say she can't do the job because she has children in need of care, especially if they wouldn't say the same about a father. I get no pleasure from imagining her in the spotlight on national and foreign policy issues about which she has zero background, with one month to learn to compete with Sen. Joe Biden's 37 years' experience.

Palin has been honest about what she doesn't know. When asked last month about the vice presidency, she said, "I still can't answer that question until someone answers for me: What is it exactly that the VP does every day?" When asked about Iraq, she said, "I haven't really focused much on the war in Iraq."

She was elected governor largely because the incumbent was unpopular, and she's won over Alaskans mostly by using unprecedented oil wealth to give a $1,200 rebate to every resident. Now she is being praised by McCain's campaign as a tax cutter, despite the fact that Alaska has no state income or sales tax. Perhaps McCain has opposed affirmative action for so long that he doesn't know it's about inviting more people to meet standards, not lowering them. Or perhaps McCain is following the Bush administration habit, as in the Justice Department, of putting a job candidate's views on "God, guns and gays" ahead of competence. The difference is that McCain is filling a job one 72-year-old heartbeat away from the presidency.

So let's be clear: The culprit is John McCain. He may have chosen Palin out of change-envy, or a belief that women can't tell the difference between form and content, but the main motive was to please right-wing ideologues; the same ones who nixed anyone who is now or ever has been a supporter of reproductive freedom. If that were not the case, McCain could have chosen a woman who knows what a vice president does and who has thought about Iraq; someone like Texas Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison or Sen. Olympia Snowe of Maine. McCain could have taken a baby step away from right-wing patriarchs who determine his actions, right down to opposing the Violence Against Women Act.

Palin's value to those patriarchs is clear: She opposes just about every issue that women support by a majority or plurality. She believes that creationism should be taught in public schools but disbelieves global warming; she opposes gun control but supports government control of women's wombs; she opposes stem cell research but approves "abstinence-only" programs, which increase unwanted births, sexually transmitted diseases and abortions; she tried to use taxpayers' millions for a state program to shoot wolves from the air but didn't spend enough money to fix a state school system with the lowest high-school graduation rate in the nation; she runs with a candidate who opposes the Fair Pay Act but supports $500 million in subsidies for a natural gas pipeline across Alaska; she supports drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Reserve, though even McCain has opted for the lesser evil of offshore drilling. She is Phyllis Schlafly, only younger.

I don't doubt her sincerity. As a lifetime member of the National Rifle Assn., she doesn't just support killing animals from helicopters, she does it herself. She doesn't just talk about increasing the use of fossil fuels but puts a coal-burning power plant in her own small town. She doesn't just echo McCain's pledge to criminalize abortion by overturning Roe vs. Wade, she says that if one of her daughters were impregnated by rape or incest, she should bear the child. She not only opposes reproductive freedom as a human right but implies that it dictates abortion, without saying that it also protects the right to have a child.

So far, the major new McCain supporter that Palin has attracted is James Dobson of Focus on the Family. Of course, for Dobson, "women are merely waiting for their husbands to assume leadership," so he may be voting for Palin's husband.

Being a hope-a-holic, however, I can see two long-term bipartisan gains from this contest.

Republicans may learn they can't appeal to right-wing patriarchs and most women at the same time. A loss in November could cause the centrist majority of Republicans to take back their party, which was the first to support the Equal Rights Amendment and should be the last to want to invite government into the wombs of women.

And American women, who suffer more because of having two full-time jobs than from any other single injustice, finally have support on a national stage from male leaders who know that women can't be equal outside the home until men are equal in it. Barack Obama and Joe Biden are campaigning on their belief that men should be, can be and want to be at home for their children.

This could be huge.

Gloria Steinem is an author, feminist organizer and co-founder of the Women's Media Center. She supported Hillary Clinton and is now supporting Barack Obama

Have you been a Dad today?

2008-09-03T14:26:00.003-06:00

I'm upset about these ads. I understand the need and desire for the "National Fatherhood Initiative" to pronounce that being a Dad requires work. I am insulted that this organization thinks that being a dad requires the following: get off couch, turn off television, play catch, dance a little, lay back on couch holding baby. Done.
There is more to being a Father than playing ball. And you don't see ads with the "How to do it all" campaign featuring the working mom with the cell in one hand ordering pizza with the dishes and laundry and mail and somehow broccoli in all her other hands. I haven't even started about how many of the ads feature our african-american dads. Jeez! I think it imperative that we shirk the Mom vs Dad stereotypes and promote PARENTING. It's hard. It's worth it. But don't have more babies than you can support emotionally and financially. I can see the ad now... starring Miss Jr. Palin!

Booger

2008-07-27T18:29:00.001-06:00

I am in love with you. Thank you for enjoying our trip to "wherever the wind takes us" which ended up being Yellowstone.

Thank you for making me turn around and go the extra long way to see Yellowstone and the "Gooey Geysers". Also, thank you for interpreting that as a Dora the Explorer term and not one your silly sister invented. (Who is still very little - I am reminded every day - by you the big brother)

You were brave and crazy for wanting to see bears and snakes and smurfs.

We saw a bison which you explained was the same thing as a buffalo and you saw mountains so big you were sure dinosaurs climbed them.

You let me drive with all the windows down and sunroof open while you hung your head out the window.

You ate immense amounts of food, well, mostly hamburgers and pancakes. And at least 10 root beers of which you are now a connoiseur.

You even played a puzzle with me instead of playing video games. (Which you begged and begged for - but I won)

Thanks for riding horses with me and for warning me of EVERY tree just so I didn't hit one.
You lost your "brand new gooey geyser hat" on the chair lift and cried but wanted me to hold you. And when it reappeared on its own chair lift chair you jumped so high. You even remembered to bring it with you.

Thanks for our "adventure without dad". Something I'm not sure I could have done without you. You see the world with exquisite eyes and a joyful heart.

Thank you for being so good in the car for a total of 18 hours in three days. Now you are ready for a trip to Flagstaff!

Sweet Lil

2008-07-23T07:09:00.003-06:00

This is why you will be the one someone writes songs about:

You are but 3 and jumped off the diving board today. Something your Big Brother did at 6.
You sing all of the time, songs you make up or songs about someone eating all the soap and burping bubbles.
You wear lip gloss to make your lips beautiful. Even though I said they were beautiful anyway.
You played so hard in the swimming pool that you have sores on 4 fingers from the bottom of the pool.
Your hair is so thick and curly it is sure to be a menace to you but it is truly the most beautiful thing.
You ski like a demon.
You balance on the back of couch - like a gymnast.
You must sleep with: Brown Bear, Leaf Bear, Unicorn, Austin, Tyrone, Uniqua, and Tasha
You talk about Z every day. Today "she can't have my pajamas, she has to bring her own, but she can stay in my bed". Oh, and "she can have some lip gloss."
You like super heros and transformers but your purse is your favorite.

Also adding that all you wanted to do today was simply climbing wall, horseback riding,swimming oh! And 'the fork lift' over and over and over. Translation? Chair lift. That's tomorrow

Nope, not a vet

2008-07-16T16:37:00.005-06:00

Some people, like Otterbutt and Kendall-Jackson will remember my mishap with Ebony the black bunny that I accidentally burned up to death on our back porch. (west-facing full-sun porch is no excuse I understand)

Well today I am walking around with a 5 inch scratch down my face from CRAZY KT's new bunny. Now she has 3 new bunnies, 2 new dogs, 1 old dog, 1 dog with three legs and 2 cats.
I understand the need for a recently divorced crazy to need the comfort of lovely little pets... but this is excessive on anyone's standards. Also, my friend Sporty Spice, has now decided to not get hitched but to live out her days "house-sitting" for her crazy friends. Her current "job" has 3 dogs, one bunny, one toad and 19 thousand plants which require a WATERING MAP to follow including multiple colors of highlighter indicating every day and every other day instructions.

I want to be the kind of animal lover (somewhere between otterbutt and kendall actually) but I'm just not. My face itches, my eyes water and it's a miracle that the animals I have - KIDS INCLUDED - are still alive. In fact, it has been noted that animals prefer to pee on me than make friends. My friend Shrek can attest that his larger than life Great Dane named Goose scares the living shit out of me and I seriously think it will eat my kids if left alone.

Now, I do like a dog and cat every now and then which does put me in different animal "lover" category than Maestra. But seriously, enough is enough.

My first job was a dry cleaning "wench" at Mr. Roberts the Dry Cleaners. When I was fetching dirty laundry out of cars, I once found a fucking IGUANA on the woman's arm - and she was DRIVING. Not only was I surprised that iguanas enjoyed automobile rides, but that she thought it was unnecessary for me to run screaming from said auto.

So don't even get me started on gerbils or hamsters (named Murray or otherwise), fish, frogs, wombats... let's just let the nature nurture itself.

Destination Wedding #3

2008-07-07T13:45:00.004-06:00

After Spending a delightful drive up the Pacific Coast Highway with Husband in a convertible mustang, we dove into a Brewery in Healdsburg, California for a Sonoma Burger and garlic/parmesan fries. I had two glasses of a local Chardonnay and Husband tried the local lager.
We ended that evening with me reading "Angels&Demons" (I know) and hanging out in our modern room called Hotel Duchamp. (Pictured)
We woke up early on Friday and rented bikes from the local bike shop "Spoke Folks". We rode on "hybrid" bikes which are mostly a road bike with a mountain bike handlebar. I did not fall - EVEN ONCE. We had a great bike ride through the amazing Dry Creek Valley wine country. Including some wineries I had heard of, like SIMI, but most were small single vinyard wineries. We stopped at one winery for a tasting after about 3 miles on our bikes. I tasted several Cabernet on the reserve list at Pascalaqua Vineyards. I had my first Primotivo (think) which is a varietal I had never tried. I gathered my composure at this beautiful winery and gardens as I was profusely sweating and red. Anyway, after the 5 tastes we were back on the bikes heading through the end of the final 3 mile loop toward our hotel. Shortly after turning our bikes into the bike shop (and admiring the $2,000 bikes) we walked back to the Hotel where no less than 4 wineries were sampled by my palate. Husband was not into this - but I did have him taste the difference of the Savinguon Blanc and Chardonnay to prove my point mostly.
La Crema, Steven&Walker, Thumbprint Cellars and (of course) Kendall-Jackson. The best wine I sampled was from... oh who the hell can remember at this point? I was drunk! We bought a wine called "Threesome" from Thumbpring Cellars which (no you horny toads) was named because of the three varietals used to make it.
Ok, then we fell asleep. I woke up at 6:15 and the party started at 6:30 so we RUSHED to get ready. I was in a red dress and Husband wore black pants (true no jeans) and a black short sleeve button down shirt. The party was held at the Hotel Healdsburg with cocktails and dinner. Dinner was served family style by the famous Dry Creek Kitchen and was delicious from tip to top. Barbecued Chicken Thighs and fresh california green beans topped my list. The toasts were composed and brilliant. The guests were gorgeous and so deeply nice.
Then off to the bar where the youngens were doing shots (oh I think I did have something called a Nippler but hell) then I stumbled home on Husband's arm with the hiccups!

Yes, sad not proud.

Saturday I woke up and went to get a pedicure. Mostly because Agent Larson made me promise to get one before the wedding. We drove (in the Mustang) down through Alexander Valley wine country which was the wrong way because we were looking for ANDERSON Valley and I was a little hung over and trusted the Blackberry over Husband's sense of direction. (The only fight though.) After 2 hours in the car we arrived at the Anderson Valley Brewing Company and after getting "car sick" ...ahem... I sampled their locally brewed favorite Blond and watched Husband play frisbee golf. Ok, everyone, I know this is a shock, but I have never really done this before. And, it was fun. And, he is REALLY good. Really.

The Wedding (Hart and Nicole 7-5-08) was held at the Barndiva. A beautifully restored barn in the heart of Healdsburg (smack dab north of napa and sonoma). The gardens were adorned with rose petals, cala lilies, orchids and all. Hart looked nervous and he looked so happy. Hart started to cry when he walked down the aisle with his mother. When Nicole walked down the aisle with her father everyone actually gasped at her beauty and her composure. She was literally shining with happiness. They wrote their own vows and had their friend perform the ceremony. A touching moment was when Hart was choked up and couldn't speak his vows, Nicole tenderly leaned in and wiped a tear from his cheek with her thumb. So we know that they will take care of each other and will share their love and fears.

The party began immediately after the kiss with everyone congratulating the bride and groom and their families. The party guests came from ALL over the country (including asshat man)! The party was divine, fabulous appetizers and the dinner was a three course sit down dinner all grown locally in Sonoma County. The Arctic Char was served on a bed of Forbidden Rice with a mango salsa, and the Filet of Beef was served with potatoes au gratin. Fabulous!!

After a night of dancing and drinking, again, a stumble home.

We drove through Napa Valley on our way back to Oakland yesterday. We stopped at one winery where I tasted 3 Chards, 1 Syrah, 1 Petite Sirah, and 1 Port... and a brewery (see compromise works) and had a delightful day. (until they lost my bag)

What a crazy and lovely trip. We celebrated our 9th anniversary on this trip and it was so great to be together.

To Hart and Nicole,
Thank you for sharing such a lovely experience with us. You both make the world a better place because of you. I hope you remember this day with joy in your hearts for all the years you will be together.
Our Love...

ACME Burger

2008-07-02T09:17:00.002-06:00

One of the biggest problems of having little hands ... Big AcMe Burgers...
I truly suggest extra napkins and the Regular burger (comes in mini and collasal as well) with bacon and bleu cheese. Order the shoestring fries for added enjoyment. They will even make fry sauce.

And they have a full liquor list - hooray!

Iron Chef - battle mushroom

2008-06-18T10:17:00.003-06:00

One of the most amazing and wonderful things about my sisters being in town is their incredible willingness to cook and clean for me. Iron chef competition was the best night of many many nights!

The task was to do two courses with a mushrooms.

We cleared out every mushroom in the land.

Kendall Jackson:
Trio of stuffed mushrooms
Black Trumpet Mushroom crusted leg of lamb
Otterbutt:
Wild Mushroom stuffed puff pastry with pickled radish salad
Mushroom Risotto with asparagus and sauteed morels
Me:
Seared Scallop with shitake and lobster mushroom white wine sauce
Grilled Filet topped with mushrooms, arugula and goat cheese

100 Books

2008-06-09T09:32:00.003-06:00

"The top 100 or so books most often marked as “unread” by LibraryThing’s users."

Bold the books you have read, underline the ones you read for school, italicize the ones you started but didn’t finish.

Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
Catch 22
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion
Life of Pi : a novel
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick
Ulysses
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre
The Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers Karamazov
Guns, Germs, and Steel
War and Peace
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveler’s Wife
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations
American Gods
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged
Reading Lolita in Tehran : a memoir in books
Memoirs of a Geisha
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked : the life and times of the wicked witch of the West
The Canterbury Tales
The Historian : a novel
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man
Love in the Time of Cholera
Brave New World
The Fountainhead
Foucault’s Pendulum
Middlemarch
Frankenstein
The Count of Monte Cristo
Dracula
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible
1984
Angels & Demons
Inferno
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D’Urbervilles
Oliver Twist
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Dune
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela’s Ashes : a memoir
The God of Small Things
A People’s History of the United States : 1492-present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Beloved
Slaughterhouse-five
The Scarlet Letter
Eats, Shoots & Leaves
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion is this
There is Confusion
Lolita
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics : a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : an inquiry into values
The Aeneid
Watership Down
Gravity’s Rainbow
The Hobbit
In Cold Blood : a true account of a multiple murder and its consequences
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield

BFD

2008-05-13T09:24:00.003-06:00

Dear Best Friend's Daughter,

I know this is hard for you. I know you feel broken. Actually, I don't know how it feels to be fighting with a disease, but I do know how it feels to be 13. I know how tragic and important everything is and how stupid adults sound when they say it's not a big deal. I know that you feel picked on and alone.

If I could give you anything, it would be hope. You are not a victim of your circumstance, you are better because of it. I want you to believe in yourself and learn from your mom. She has learned how to stand on her own two feet despite terrible odds. Many amazing people have sprung from families with single parents and your mom is one of them. And so are you.

She has learned how to trust herself and believe in herself without needing anyone except you and your sister. I hope you will grow to become a remarkable resemblance of your strong and loving mother.

My life is better for having you in it. Your fierce and honest love is needed in this world, so please take care of you.

I can't help it

2008-05-12T15:48:00.002-06:00

I want Hillary to win. I know, I know. Obama is a great candidate and part of my brain, probably 80%, knows that he will make a great president and has run a wonderful campaign.

It's the part of my personality that is irritated when women have power and are bold, are always considered bitchy. When women fight for what they want or need or deserve, it's always perceived as heartless.

I honestly cried when Pelosi was sworn in as Speaker of the House, she has more power than any other American woman has had and she invited her children and grand children to the ceremony. It's sentiment and etiquette that is missing in political life and women, bitchy or not, are the people who do this naturally.

My daughter will definitely be able to blaze different paths by what Hillary has done. And my son will look at women differently, I hope. The fact that Hillary Clinton has decided to forage on until there is a democratic nominee is a sign of perseverance and strength that most women have learned early in life. And, one that a woman in politics most definitely has.

Now, Aichers, will contend that I am committing fully into a "man-hating lesbian", but there are still men I love. Barack Obama might become one of them.

My Six Word Memoir

2008-05-07T10:15:00.002-06:00

Do it, enough is never enough.

Evidence of Things Unseen

2008-03-13T11:53:00.002-06:00

I'm sitting here while Stanley Steemer is dutifully steaming away and thinking of the book we read for book club. "Evidence of Things Unseen" which is probably true of all the unseen crap inside the couch they are cleaning.

Book club included:
8 incredibly brilliant ladies (only one read the wrong book)
One giant vat of cheese fondue (yes kirsch is required)
Crab cakes (no sauce, it needed sauce)
Mixed green salad with brown sugared walnuts and balsamic vinagrette
Chocolate fondue with pound cake and bananas
and I'm pretty sure I counted 8 corks. Shwew!

Amoung other things my new idea is to take a banana and coat it with peanut butter and then freeze it and then slice and serve THAT with the chocolate fondue. Voila!

Nothing is ever enough - or - Enough already

2008-02-23T15:37:00.002-07:00

You know when you look at someone else's life and you are surprised about how much they do? I do that all the time. How do they have time to write that novel, or energy to ski, or enthusiasm to play Go Fish? My friend Stephanie (sleepdance) is puting on a show at The Womens Art Center downtown this weekend and she brought 5 other dancers and a baby from NYC! Amazing!!

Right now, I'm looking outside watching the snow melt and thinking please don't be Spring because then I'll have to finish the paver project in the backyard that I started last summer. (enter husband's voice saying you never ever finish anything)

Glory to whoever, the washing machine is no longer on the porch or in the driveway. (cut to maestra fainting and my voice saying same thing to husband)

I also have worked at my new job for one year now and made my first huge mistake. I guess I erased an email and missed a deadline. Oops. It's not the end of the world. (just dollar signs)

I'm just trying to say yes to everything when I need to say no. That's how you get things done. But instead I just say ok to the next thing that sounds fun because my regular life isn't so fun.

Hey, maybe if I keep watching In Treatment I will completely solve all my problems. And by watching Lost I can save people from a plane crash. And by watching The Wire I can talk to P and econtrario a week before they see every episode and ruin it all. And, sadly, by watching American Idol with my kids I grow old and happy will look back at it the same way our parents remember the Beatles on Ed Sullivan and life will be greener. Or, maybe if I stop watching tv I could actually get some things done.

Nah

I Voted

2008-02-05T17:01:00.001-07:00

For Hillary. I know.

Edie Brickell

2007-11-29T12:05:00.000-07:00

So I am now addicted to (among many other things) my Sirius Satellite Radio in the loaner car I got from the dealer.

I heard Edie Brickell singing "Walk on the Wild Side" today, which is the song of the day.

Also, e contrario can bite my ass for making me play his super fun new game.

7E0 is open! Hooray... or hurry.

7 Things - I've been tagged

2007-11-09T15:18:00.000-07:00

Otterbutt tagged me

1. I know how to sign "dirty pig" in sign language.
2. I had a tummy tuck and liposuction inspired from watching an episode of Nip/Tuck.
3. My nickname at work is Iceman (aka val kilmer)
4. I did not vote this year.
5. When I was 15 (not 5) I killed (accidentally) my rabbit named "Ebony" by placing his cage in the sun.
6. I am terrified of spiders.
7. I have never broken a bone.

My seven tags:

otterbutt
kendall jackson
econtrario
dr.write
lisa b
nicholle
??

The Paris - a real double date

2007-11-04T04:22:00.000-07:00

1 French 75 (champagne, vodka, lemon)
Beet Salad
Seared Duck Breast with Potato Gratin and watercress

1 bottle of italian lager
The Paris Cheeseburger with Pommes Frites

1 Martini shaken with olives
Soup d'jour - butternut squash topped with carmelized apples and toasted pumpkin seeds
Rack of Lamb

1 French 75
Beet Salad
Roasted Chicken

For dinner we shared a nice Silver Oak Cabernet.

All and all a successful date night, sans otterbutt, it as always was amazing service and the food was delicious. There should be more words, but delicious will do.

AND, before the Paris we played the trivia game at 7EO and husband beat me every time! Service was terrible (what can you expect on a Saturday at 5?) and a green street gnat was in my wine.

Wine Group that was cancelled, but reincarnated 6 months later

2007-10-22T16:48:00.000-06:00

Market Street Dungeness Crab-Artichoke-Spinach Dip/Hot
(Serves 8-12 as an appetizer)

Ingredients:
1 pound Dungeness crab meat
2 cups mayonnaise
(1) 14-ounce can artichoke hearts packed in water, drained and coarsely chopped
1/2 cup bread crumbs
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
2 cups fresh spinach, coarsely chopped
1/2 cup fresh Parmesan cheese, grated
2 tablespoons fresh Parmesan cheese, grated for topping

Method:
Combine all ingredients (except the 2 tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese) in an ovenproof baking dish. Bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes. Remove, sprinkle with the 2 tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese, and return to oven until top is browned.

Serve piping hot with your favorite chip or bread.

I am going to put the dip in a bread bowl... and use the inside of the bread to eat it with.

Thirty One Flavors 1.

2007-10-20T21:07:00.000-06:00

Brunch - for four generations and one puppy from the depths of the fridge and freezer

Coffee, realize you need more coffee mugs because 1 isn't going to cut it for guests

Zucchini Pecan Bread
mix flour, sugar, baking soda, baking powder and salt
mix eggs, vanilla, vegetable oil in mixer and add dry ingredients
stir in shredded zucchini and ground pecans
bake for 40 minutes or until bread pulls away from sides of loaf pan
let cool on wire rack and slice
serve with butter (remember to take out butter and serve at room temp)

(Clean up after Puppy and analyze how one can poop on stairs)
(Make Bloody Buddies if you haven't yet)

Quiche
cook bacon
microwave spinach (even the western family brick from the far reaches of the freezer)
slice tomatoes
(question yourself about potatoes - hashbrowns, latkes, scalloped)
bake crust (don't forget to poke holes in it with a fork or blind bake)
mix 1 cup cream, 3 eggs and 1 and 1/2 cups veggies (bacon is a vegetable)
sprinkle cheese (smoked black pepper white cheddar tilamook) on warm crust
pour egg mixture in to crust and bake 40 minutes and let cool for 10

(Decide against potatoes)
(What! No Champagne- tragedy)

Stuffed Mushrooms
Baby girl asks if she can help. So, she wipes the mushrooms and takes the stems out and places them in a bowl. (love)
Chop stems, onion and garlic and saute in olive oil for 8 minutes (or while you are loading the furniture in the truck)put in bowl.
Add crab meat, breadcrumbs, parmesan, parsley, egg and salt and pepper and mix to combine.
Put mushrooms on a baking sheet covered in aluminum foil (recycle it if you must, but it's that or watch aunt clean the pan all afternoon)
Fill mushrooms with crab filling and sprinkle with parmesan cheese and drizzle with olive oil.
Dot with a lot of butter (if you don't have a holiday because you're aunt came in two months early then you're only excuse is that the mushrooms look and taste SO much better with butter)

Bake at 350 for 20 minutes.

(Apologize for not being able to find salt and pepper shakers again...explain the validity for the box of kosher salt on table)

Strawberries
Hull and Slice Strawberries - the big batch from Costco.
Place in bowl and let sit at room temperature while you finish the cooking and run around trying to find clean plates and unspotted "silver"ware.
Put Sour Cream in a small dish
Put Brown Sugar in a small dish (would be nice if they matched)
Explain to your mother that indeed it is not strawberry season, but you have them anyway.
Pass the condiments with bowls of strawberries (mom's great idea)

(Clean up after puppy)
(Find salt and pepper shakers)

Nap

You're a bad man Charlie Brown

2007-08-23T15:20:00.000-06:00

What kind of Wine are you?

2007-08-15T10:27:00.001-06:00

You Are Chardonnay

Fresh, spirited, and classic - you have many facets to your personality.
You can be sweet and light. Or deep and complex.
You have a little bit of something to offer everyone... no wonder you're so popular.
Approachable and never smug, you are easy to get to know (and love!).

Deep down you are: Dependable and modest

Your partying style: Understated and polite

Your company is enjoyed best with: Cold or wild meat

What Kind of Wine Are You?

Pink Ribbons

2007-07-13T10:10:00.000-06:00

It's not that I still expect everything to be smooth and fair. It's not that I want things to be lacking hope. It's just that sometimes I want to be the one that can take the burden away from her. In a time where healthy is a verb and when people are blamed if they become sick... it just seems like she has had a lot of health related problems with her kids and like a child, I want to say, it's not fair.

I thought I would be a little older when I heard "it's a lump" "it's a tumor" "it's surgical".

Few people understand our relationship which has always been close. Friendships rarely compare because she feels like home to me. When we were younger we talked about how I would take her kids if anything were ever to happen to her. And I would.

So I had to take a moment, a selfish one as it's not really about me, and put the powerful hope out there that it is benign.

1000 cranes

2007-06-30T12:09:00.000-06:00

Niagara Falls is amazing. Everyone found something extraordinary in it's beauty and brilliance.
There were family and guests from as far away as San Francisco and everyone enjoyed the falls, the fireworks and the food.
Some of the highlights:
The wedding day was gorgeous. Slight wind with a bright sky. The bride and groom were swimming in happiness and their love as obvious and as powerful as the falls behind them.
Cousins, aunts, in-laws and friends all made the weekend hilarious and enjoyable. The kids had a blast and watching the three of them walk down the aisle, dance, laugh and play together was comforting in its ease.
I only cried once. (I know)
The boat ride on Maid of the Mist is amazing. The power and shock of the "mist" which is pretty much more water that has fallen on my head in my entire desert life~ made everyone from the 2 year olds to the 85 year olds laugh in awe.
As for the eating...
Steak and Lobster
Lobster and Steak
5 course wedding dinner including Prime Rib
Room Service pancakes
Pizza delivered in our room as we watched the falls and the fireworks with Earth and Roony.

Craps ($$!) P and I have very good luck at the craps. It is the most fun! Our little matching hands can barely hold a stack of chips but we manage.

I love weddings. This one will go down in history as a great one marking a life together full of love, laughter, weird science and comic books.

Camping

2007-05-29T09:06:00.000-06:00

There was a time I lived in a van. We rolled in a 1976 Ford Econoline. We went from Canada, to Tennesee, to Phoenix, to Salt Lake via the Grand Canyon. I didn't realize at the time how incredibly free we were. How void of THINGS.
Now, after 4 days of camping in the Uintahs, I realize how much I miss that freedom.
Maybe it's that I'm older now, or that I am a mom, or that I no longer care if I make a fool of myself, but I wasn't afraid as I once was. I brought my own lighter, my own wine opener (of course), ate when I was hungry, napped when I was tired and laughed (mostly at myself). I wasn't paranoid about what other people were eating or doing or planning. Plus, once you have been peed on (by one very bad mama cat) and thrown up on by your kids, getting dirt on your face doesn't seem so gross.
It is incredibly obvious why I fell in love with husband and his "that's cool, that's a bummer" attitude. I felt like myself and my kids were free to get dirty and smelly and that we all had a lot more fun with dirt on our faces.
And maybe, I just like camping better with satellite radio and portable DVD players.
It's a toss up.

SURVIVED

2007-04-24T15:27:00.000-06:00

Everyone knows that little boys run into things. Little boys fall. Little boys are rambunctious. Stitches are not the end of the world.
But, it sure feels like that.
You feel like screaming to the fat nurse- I don't care if that lady fainted - this HERE is a little boy! A little baby boy who wants me to carry him into the emergency room. (he is quite heavy now)
What I learned at the emergency room:
1) It is best to look as sick as possible - keep the bloody cloth on head at all times. If you can moan - do it.
2) I now need to know ALL of the words to "There's a hole in the bucket..." as my bucket remains hole ridden and little boy didn't know what a hatchet was anyway.
3) It's best not to look at the hole in a child's head and say WOW you're gonna need some stiches. This scares them. This may even make them cry.
4) Praise the MBJ for the minivan. I had within arms reach (change of clothes, juice box, jello, a stuffed teady bear for cuddling and a story book about space).
5) The blackberry has an awesome video game on it that doesn't suck.
6) ER and House DO provide a lot of information and perhaps we could all go to med school after all.
7) Life is a roller coaster - hold on tight.

Date

2007-04-22T07:53:00.000-06:00

It turns out that husband prefers his blog name to be Bonzerrific. Ok.

So we went on a date. We went to Boulevard.

Not only do they have a hamburger with foie gras AND black truffles, but they also had the best chicken bonzerrific had ever had.

We shared a bottle of Argyle Pinot Noir and then we watched "Thank you for Smoking".

Awesome.

"Michael Jordan plays basketball, Charles Manson kills people, I talk. That's what I do." Nick Naylor

6

2007-04-09T14:17:00.000-06:00

So when the Tooth Fairy comes and brings a $2 bill, I am asked by a bleary eyed six year old, "Does the Tooth Fairy make $3 bills, does she make $100 bills?"
No.
Think of all the children in all the world. That would be alot of money.
"But, this is my Sweet Tooth."
It is, huh.
"Yes, it should be worth more."

If I didn't know he was Jewish - this would lead me in that direction.
"I'm only 1/2 Jewish - the Easter Bunny can still find me!"

Speaking of Jewish tradition, he was a Syrian soldier in the Passover play. When the burning bush talked I nearly peed my pants. If you haven't had the pleasure of watching your kids in a play then you don't know how big your smile can get. Mostly our of sheer horror.
Also, we celebrated Easter so I don't know how Jewish we are right now.

Now that you are six there are some things that I have to tell you:

1) You should believe in the tooth fairy.
2) Sometimes mommy "forgets things" on purpose.
3) I know life is not fair, because I say so.
4) If you tell someone a wish - it just might still come true.
5) Television is the true savior. If anyone tells you differently tell them your dad can beat them up... like Anthony Soprano.
6) You are Cam the Brain. Don't let anyone else tell you differently. Just because sometimes you prefer some shade and a book doesn't neccesarily make you a nerd. But, playing finger hockey on the soccer field might.

Rocky

2007-03-21T14:23:00.000-06:00

I am upset because I want to know what happened on Bill O'Reilly last night but I simply refuse to log on to their website. It's true that I work for "FOX" now, but as it turns out Fox here is the LIBERAL station. (whacko)

What are we really doing when the mayor of Salt Lake takes on not only the president, the war AND the Fox Network. Impressive.

I am so proud of Rocky to make a stand and actually take the initiative. I guess Hannity and O-Reilly are just used to pushing people around. I am wishing for secret powers for Rocky.

If anyone has details without me having to log on to the O'Reilly Factor - let me know.

The myfoxutah.com has bits and pieces of the tape if you would like to view.

Speaking of change...

2007-03-15T15:44:00.000-06:00

I have a new boss who asks me how my weekend was and I genuinely believe he wants to know the answer.

I made a new friend, her name is Hazel and she makes me laugh.

I am a negotiator not a liar.

I painted my bathrooms (finally). They are sort of a brown color now.

I put a for sale sign up on my house.

My new job is fun, everyone helps each other out, I am happier.

Things that have stayed the same:
I still don't know how to find socks, matching or otherwise.
I still hate working out.
My car is dirty.
I lose my phone almost everyday.
My boyfriend, KJ, still loves me.

If I could change anything

2007-01-30T08:35:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine (not yet 25) asked me what I would change in my life.
I said nothing. Not a thing. Nope.

Then, I thought about it. When I was in my 20s I thought I could do anything. Go anywhere, move to Alaska, Vermont, or Phoukeppsie. I could become CEO, Executive Director or Surgeon at the ripe old age of 28.

Now, I see that what I have I should not only enjoy but relish.

Things I would change in my life:

My mother-in-law would have enough money to move in to a Jewish retirement facility.
My kid wouldn't feel like his friend gave up on him.
Lasagna and chocolate chip cookie dough could be on my diet.
More women would be in high office in corporations and politics.
Teachers would make more than salesmen.
Pencil skirts and skinny jeans would be out of fashion forever.
I would make time to make a new friend.

and then some...

2007-01-21T08:37:00.000-07:00

I turned 32. I have found that most people who have already done 32 say - oh you're just a baby. I assure you that I am not. Those that aren't quite 30 yet say - oh I'm 29, can you believe it, I feel so old.

I hate both.

I don't feel old. I feel like I am finally right inside my skin. Does that make any sense? Many times during my life I have been able to actually think to myself - this is not a big deal - this is not really you. This is not your real life, your real life is right around the corner. You have taken all the correct steps in a path to get there but when you get there it's like the Emerald City. It's where your head, heart and body are all in line. Crazy I know.

I have been lots of different people in this lifetime. There was a period when I was a therapist, I could really feel people, you know. I had this ability to get people talking, sharing their stories. I found out that a man who was in Vietnam shot another man for a six pack of beer. I remember his face when he told me, like it was all a dream. His hands were shaking a bit and his face was unshaven and his eyes were so sad.

Then there was the cocktail waitress life. I took it very seriously to make sure people got their drinks. In fact, a little too seriously, so that if they didn't pay me it was fine... they were in need.

You know when you have moments in your life when you know that one different decision would change your whole life? One minor decision, like whether to walk up 8th Avenue or Broadway, could change everything. I have a few of these moments in my head - when Time seemed to slow down for a moment and actually ask - you sure? you sure that's what you want to do? Ok, but don't say I didn't warn you.

Don't say you didn't have a choice.

The holiday cook

2006-12-28T09:20:00.000-07:00

DAY ONE
Chipotle Hummus with Bagle Chips
Shrimp Cocktail
Three Cheese Fondu with potatoes
Mango Curry Shrimp Wanton Cups
Tuna Tartar
Roasted Mushrooms stuffed with spinach and feta

DAY THREE
Italian Lasagna
Shrimp Cocktail
Garlic Bread

DAY FOUR
Roast Beef
Ciabatta rolls
Braised Yukon gold potatoes
Sauteed Spinach
Garden Salad

DAY FIVE
Overnight French toast with Vermont Maple syrup
Spicy Sausage patties
Cranberry Coffee Cake (this is the most disastrous of all food making to date, no baking powder, no milk!)

DAY SEVEN (thanks to P and Otterbutt for their doing)
Prime Rib
Yorkshire Pudding
Brussles Sprouts
Creamed Cauliflower
Roasted Potatoes

It's not the heat it's the hostility

2006-12-17T20:28:00.000-07:00

The problem with hostility is the dualism. It shakes the giver and the receiver. In this time of quality time with our families, it is so obvious that hostility has replaced sarcasm in my life. No longer is a roll of the eye or a flippant comment easily received or inadvertently sent.

I am realizing that no one believes what I say. Have I really disappointed, lied, decieved so many? I am like a lawyer who realizes suddenly that being a lawyer is shameful. I don't have the respect of those I love. And worse, I don't know how to get it.

I make fun of my successes so much so that I forget they exist.

I am overwhelming. I am completely overwhelmed.

I know now that parenting does just get harder. And harder. I am not in a place in my life that I can sit back and enjoy my children for being children. We are in charge of shaping their lives, will they respect others? Will they respect themselves? I am shocked when they learn new things. I know what proud feels like. I am afraid that I will teach them to be - hostile.

Baby boy, please know that I see your fear. I see your hope. I see you. I know where you are every second of every day. I know what scared you and what makes you laugh.

Baby girl, thank you for bringing the sweetness and the joy. You can find the good and you can stick with it. Don't ever let life take that out of you. Don't let the sadness take away your ability to find the joy in most everything.

I know.

Sleeper Cell

2006-12-17T09:02:00.000-07:00

The Second Season has begun! Sleeper Cell is the absolutely best new drama on television. It has the most relevant storyline and accurately portrays Muslim life in America. Plus, Darwyn is hot. Luckily, if you don't have Showtime you can watch this show online. For free!

I am off to watch the season premier.

Also we are watching the Survivor Finale tonight.

The L Word

2006-11-26T08:31:00.000-07:00

I watched MANY consecutive episodes of the L word yesterday. The 4th season is approaching in January and it is available on demand right now. (on Showtime)

If you need a brief recap I am your girl.

Can I begin by saying this is absolutely the best Soap Opera.

Briefly:

I hated Bette, but now I love her. She likes to scream a lot. Plus, Flashdance was my favorite movie for like ever.
Shane is HOT! Probably because she is damaged.
Dana Fairbanks is pretty lame, but after season 3 she grows on you.
I can not stand Jenny. Self-obsession gets even worse as the series progresses.
Tina is so uneventful. She manages to even make child-birth boring.
Alice is Alice. Her name should be Magda or something... but Alice is interesting.
Mirina is a terrible human. She phases out.
Kit is a diva.
The absolutely hottest one is Carmen. I mean really, Carmen. She's a Mexican-American hotty who is also a DJ with a kickass tatoo.

I have to say that the writing isn't the most intelligent but they do handle a lot of gender-specific issues, art vs. god, and other social justice issues. All in what I can tell is six blocks of West Hollywood.

This being the glutonous weekend that it is - I suggest watching the entire first season. There is always next weekend for season two.

Whirled Inn

2006-11-18T07:54:00.000-07:00

4 restaurants, one day, one night, one stomach

Scallops on bed of braised baby bok choy and soba (Chardonnay)
Garlicky sauteed Chanterelle mushrooms with Brie (Pinot Noir)
Blueberry Martini (tastes of smurfs)
Dirty Martini
Chilled Fanny Bay Oysters and Shrimp
Tequila Martini
Crab leg (KJ)

Ouch!

Client lunch at NY
Post work cocktails with McNasty at NY
Post cocktails cocktail with McNasty at Kristauffs
when leaving 2nd location I run into Dallas who got a babysitter
Surprise dinner with Dallas at OB
Met new friends

People who knew me at said restaurants:
Paul (manager)
Petey (valet)
Chris (bartender)
Girl bartender (said she recognized me from other restaurant and that I was a KJ girl- yikes) Ben (my piano man)
Clients (8)
The ponytail lawyer and Mr. Dyer
My banker
Pattib, Moneyman, McNasty, Dallas, Annie, Stella,

NEA Grant

2006-11-12T15:52:00.002-07:00

My brilliant sister was awarded with the most prestigious award an artist can achieve. She was given an NEA grant. It is not about the amount of the award, the value it gives her resume or the bragging rights, it's about how I need to see her face, laugh with her and make rack of lamb with her.

We have never been good at success, we all have had our moments of self-fulfilled delusions of failure.

When good things happen we all have a moment where we draw in our breath and wait until something bad happens to counter it.

So instead of listening to her say it wasn't that big of a deal, that it was just there. Instead of just saying oh, I wish I could see you. I dropped my life (kind of happily) and flew to stupid michigan.

I took 3 airplanes and 24 hours later I was in her house, with her, the husband, and the z.

I admittedly was extremely irresponsible. But in the shadows (aka hangover) of this decision I am ready to admit that it was sheer admiration and wanton greed that made me fly all the way across the country (and half-way back) to see her new house, her big beautiful baby and the boy (he hates it when I call him that)

She still won't talk to me about it. She won't even admit that it happened. She won't accept that it is a success - just barely tolerable. She just went to Costco and Shake and Steak with me in Stupid Michigan and we are here.

Whole (except for all those that aren't here) and watching Star Wars.

Mi Bella Donna

2006-11-06T09:18:00.000-07:00

So, I spent several hours making gnocchi yesterday. I had fun rolling the dough into long "snakes" and making the little dumplings. I was not so pleased with the results. I think I should have cooked them longer - or maybe I cooked them for too long. I am not so good at cooking things for "90 seconds after they float to the top". I'm better put it in the oven and set the timer. I followed the gnocchi with a Cappelini Chicken Brodo which ended up tasting like bland ramen noodles. Oh well, live and learn.

On Friday, however, I made a wonderful Filet of Beef with roasted potatoes and roasted tomatoes. I served it with a gorgonzola cream sauce. Not bad. Well, bad for you, but not bad.

I have now enough room for a party of 10 - if I invite more people then it just gets crowded.

Great, now I'm hungry.

Worked Mom

2006-10-30T20:11:00.000-07:00

JOB DESCRIPTION

There is a lovely position available for the proper candidate. Pay is negotiable, and benefits are extraordinary.

Those without the ability to juggle upside down need not apply.

The job requirements:
Cook
Receptionist
Travel Agent
Dishwasher
Good Kisser
Better at blowjobs (or at least willing to try)
Make-up artist
Computer skills - Powerpoint, Excel, HTML code, email, Word, photoshop and filmmaker pro.
Ability to blog, IM, send email and listen to voicemail simultaneosly
Hostess
Faking orgasms is not necessary, but preferred.
Chauffeaur
Scrapbook Maker - ability to wield a gluestick is mandatory
College Degree (specializing in law) preferred
Pharmacist
Personal Assistant
Consumer Reports knowledge and Better Business Bureau license preferred
Photographer
Nurse
Alterations Specialist
Interior Decorator
Nutritionist
Counselor
Dog Groomer
Accountant
Gossip columnist
Menu Planner
Queen
Gardener
Costume Designer
Community Relations Coordinator
Teacher
Potty Trainer
Hair Stylist
Personal Shopper
Wildlife trapper
General Contractor
Pet Keeper
Duhla
Cop
Record Keeper
Realtor
Coach
Priest
C.P.A.
Whore
Social Worker
Jester
Cheerleader
No need for previous sales experience
Maid
Keeper of lions
Magician

If you feel as though you have these abilities (and more) please send your resume to any man and apply for the "wife and mother" position. Apply early, you may miss your opportunity.

10 years

2006-10-21T21:35:00.001-06:00

Then the sycamore fell
The sound was fierce
The action, graceful
Almost sweet.

It splintered
Drove the house
Down
Into pieces. It silently left
Empty shells.

Taste the bitter apple.
Take it from your lips and lay it
Down, slice it perfectly and
Serve it on a platter.
Slice it perfectly.

Do not worry about the blood
(knife’s duty)
Or the bruises
(fruit’s weakness).

Death’s eyes look peaceful
Like they are watching stars.
However, the forest
Would never again feel safe.

Now there are no apples.
Barren landscape
Filled with icecream
And lollipops.

It wasn’t diseased (cancer)
It wasn’t killed (shot)
It wasn’t cold (frozen)
It wasn’t thirsty (was it?)

It stood alone And now the
Roses have gone
to seed\ the grass
has yellowedthe flower beds
are weeds

Now,
In the night
I can still hear the echo.
Now,
I feel the goosebumps of it’s cold shadow
Near my wrist.

I admit it

2006-10-10T20:03:00.000-06:00

My blackberry is smarter than me.

I've heard the stories. I've heard the older friends say they couldn't handle it, I've heard the younger friends laugh at me for not knowing how to turn off my ipod. I have friends that never put their blackberries down. I know of a hotel in Chicago that will lock your blackberry up so that you can't access it. (!)

Do I have to turn my blackberry off?
What kind of name is blackberry anyway?
It's not edible.
Is it?

I HAVE figured out how to call people... but only if I have your number memorized... which is a very small amount of folks.

Somehow, I turned the thing on and it knew who I was and had some messages for me. I'm pretty sure it knows what ring I want, and who I should call first. (mother-in-law, of course)

Now, if I could get it to kiss ass, I wouldn't ever need to go to work.

Losing

2006-10-07T18:35:00.000-06:00

One Art
by Elisabeth Bishop

Best poem ever written. It's about losing. Losing car keys, losing love.

I am sure that I am that poem. Someone who correlates losing small things to losing big things. It wasn't until recently that I realized I had control over the things that leave me. Sure, things leave, people die, love resolves itself. But now, I know that I was accepting that things leave. Like they had their own destiny. They left me.

I can keep things close, honor them and hold them dear to me. Even now that I know that they one day will leave my life... I can watch out for those little pieces that mean so much to some and so little to me.

I'm not talking about money. Most people correlate saving money to saving life. I am talking about sunglasses, car keys, socks, and books. I am noticing that memories, joy and laughter are not just fleeting, but precious.

I would give anything to:
talk to my dad again,
have nikki taste my butternut squash lasagna tonight,
touch noses with my niece,
love bitterly,
begin again with maestra,
toast p and green hornet's wedding,
drive my jeep,
feel my ex's reality,
have my cell phone, and
touch my grandmother's hand.

So, take a moment and enjoy all that you have.
It's worth all that and more.

Hyphenate

2006-10-03T09:26:00.000-06:00

HYPHENATE

join me
young beautiful
force the day

make the sweet
(dandelions) disappear
with your lips

taste the barren landscape
swirled molecules -
empty sky

vow to reach
the famine
and the sea

sing
Socrates-
Springsteen

Lisbon and Madeira

2006-09-24T09:58:00.000-06:00

King Ferdinand's Castle in a town called Sintra. Lovely little tourist village filled with small shops and wine cellars. Fabulous views from here... all the way to the ocean!
St. George's Castle, this is the formal dinner and we listened to traditional Fado music while we dined inside of the castle.

Yes, that's husband in an actual tie.

Our view from our Hotel in Madeira!

We could jump into the ocean from the diving board on the hotel!

Husband loved the ocean and the windsurfing... I particularly loved this tiny restaurant in Lisbon that was recommended by the concierge...

Dinner at Olivier's

chef's choice

Guacomole served on chip

Marinated Tomatoe and Feta Skewers

Foie Gras terrine served over carmelized Onions

Octopus Carpaccio

Goat Cheese in Puff Pastry with Honey

Cream of Mushroom Soup served in a Martini Glass

Sausage wrapped in grape leaves with Quail Egg

Beef Carpaccio with Arugula

Lemon Sorbet with Vodka

THEN:

Choice of

Osso Bucco

Seared Fresh Foie Gras

Black Pork

Scallops

THEN:

Chocolate Lava cake with vanilla ice cream

I nearly died from happiness.

While the plane ride home was reasonably miserable we would highly recommend going to Portugal. The people were so friendly and the culture so interesting.

I really appreciate being so lucky to be able to travel across the world and tell my kids of our travels... they were really interested in what we ate for breakfast every day. And I know that they had a great time with Maestra, Linds and Steve, and Aunt Sue.

Grandma's Plum Jam

2006-09-05T19:28:00.000-06:00

1st pick all the plums off the tree. Use only Session (ditchbank) plums. For this she used (Half a sink full).

For 10 cups: (that happens to be something like 9 8oz jars or 6 12 oz jars or lots of jars and lots of little extra jars)

6 cups chopped plums (skins on, pulsed in blender - not too smooth - not too chunky)
8 (yes eight) cups of sugar
1 package pectin (either kind- also helpful that this recipe is on the box)
1/2 cup water

Step 1: Wash mason jars and sanitize them in the dishwasher. Make sure they are still hot when you take them out to put the jam in them.

Step 2: Pit and chop plums (Grandma uses Grandma Walker's Osterizer Blender but I found that next year I'll bring over my cuisinart to ease the process)

Step 3: Refrigerate the chopped plums immediately (in mason jars of course). Leave until you are ready for the production (even overnight).

Step 4: Take chopped plums (6 cups) and add 1/2 cup water bring to a Boil and Simmer for 5 minutes. (insert microwave timer)

Step 5: Add Pectin (slowly making sure there are no clumps) and bring to HARD BOIL for 1 Minute.

Step 6: Add Sugar (8 cups) slowly to simmering plums. Again, no lumps. It helps to have a friend help here. In fact, in Grandma's 80 years she has never done this alone.

Step 7: Bring to boil. Keep stirring. Put on an apron if you forgot. AND remember to wipe down appliances during the process or you'll end up scraping jam from "hell to breakfast".

Step 8: Take a special funnel that fits mason jars (no one knows the name of this thing) and fill to the very tippy top. Like you think it's going to overflow.

Step 8.5: Meanwhile, boil a small pot of water. Place the inside of the mason jar lid (ONE AT A TIME) to the boiling water.

Step 9: Put inside of lid onto filled jar. Tighten with the outer ring. I said TIGHTEN.

Step 10: Immediatly turn them upside down for 5 minutes. Don't put the jars too close together AND (I found out too late) do NOT push the little popper top because it's supposed to do it itself. It seals it.

Step 11: Turn them right side up until cool. Store in cool dry place for up to 6 months. You can also freeze it. If they don't pop - then you should refrigerate and eat it sooner.

Little tips of the trade:
Yes, she does NOT use the fancy steamer/boiler thing.
Yes, if she were to enter it into the State Fair she would have to use it.
Yes, she still uses the same pot that she has always used. It has no handles. They have broken off.
Yes, you need "asbestos hands" or some tolerance for burning off your entire fingerprints.
Yes, it's helpful if you have the written "pectin" jam instructions from the little book just in case you doubt yourself, your kids, or your grandkids.

So, there you have it.

Who are you?

2006-09-04T08:22:00.000-06:00

These are my favorite emails to get while working so I can find out more details about everyone's life... But, they tend to be vague. I'm making up my own. Please cut and paste and fill in your own answers as comments. Fun fun!

Favorite coffee cup: P's white martha stewart shorties

How do you take your coffee: 2 Splendas and Half and Half.

Favorite vegetable: Brussel sprouts

Favorite outdoor activity: Skiing or Mountain biking (downhill of course)

Favorite indoor activity: My new DVR!

Favorite children's book: Grandma's Sesame Street book with Grover making icecream cones
with all flavors A to Z!

Favorite poem/poet: One Art/ Bishop or Wild Geese/Oliver

Song that you know all the words to: Red Red Wine

Best restaraunt: Franck's

Favorite Beach: A-bay, Hawaii

When was the last time you bought a bikini: the day I got pregnant in St. John's.

Dream vacation: Great Barrier Reef

Favorite part of your body: my girls L and R

Favorite cookie: Snickerdoodle

Favorite sound: Little girl singing

First thing you would buy for yourself if you won $50,000: a mountain bike

Best birthday memory from childhood: Roller skating at "Classic Skating"

AND MORE MY STYLE:

Biggest pet peeve: public spitting (especially out of a car)

Worst nightmare: losing my kids

Worst restaurant: hands down...

Worst vacation: Mazatlan

Most embarassing moment: I threw up on my massage therapist

Do you balance your checkbook: no

Least favorite dessert: white cake

Food that you refuse to eat: eggplant

Secret indulgence: cookie dough and "law and order"

Lights on or off while making whoopie: off

Thing that you should do but haven't yet: repaint the basement

Still

2006-08-27T18:02:00.000-06:00

I feel still. It may be close to stagnant. But still is a better word. I am restless. But tired. I don't long to change things - but in my pseudo drug induced coma I feel like perhaps I should change things. It would be nice if I could change the world. But, in reality I can barely change a diaper. Thank heavens that task is almost done in my life. I did say almost. I bought a potty. That's how close it has come to potty training.

Husband and I took the kids to the Skybox on a Saturday night. It has taken me an entire day to recover. 900 tv's (901 if you count the one in the car) and lots of video games to distract and "entertain" the little buggers. I am so afraid of normal people. They scare me senseless.

I never thought that I would be - acrophobic. I'm not necessarily afraid of open spaces -but afraid of what might happen to my kids outside. Is there a fear of kid-napping... a fear of child molestation? A fear of being spit upon by child-loathing patrons at a sports bar?? If there is a word for that I probably have it. No, I don't think that something like that would happen in public, and worse, on my watch. I do however, have day"mares" about it.

I did try to teach my boy to ride a bike. I am determined to get him two-wheeling before kindergarten (10 days in counting). He refuses. He made me hold my hand on his back and run beside him. (I guess that AND/OR a savage beast would get me running). He busted off BOTH training wheels. The scene from Forrest Gump flew to my mind. I thought of saying it... you know... run, forrest, run. But, I didn't. I just ran beside him and said good job. It wasn't until the dad and the older boys came over that he grew ( this is not the right word) cocky. All of the sudden my support was not needed any more. Yes, he's already a man.

The girl, well, she and I are at odds. She loves the JackintheBox. I hate the JackintheBox. I hate it MADLY. I hate having to stuff the puppet back in the box. But worse, I hate it when it pops up and she doesn't finish winding the end of the song. So, two seconds after I stuff the JackintheBox in the box, it comes whooshing back out.

In the long and short of problems in the world, I know that this is a mild one. If you can even qualify it as a problem. For someone who has tried to create drama out of every small moment in her life, let's count this as drama. I am affected.

Never enough

2006-08-13T09:02:00.000-06:00

I dragged my kids to soccer game. Aside from the bad idea in general, the mass hysteria inside the arena, the looming thought that the helicopter above us was filled with c2 or something explosive that you can put in contact solution bottles... aside from the fact that for the third time in a row my plans for "family fun" have left me in tears with my son holding my hand and my daughter in my arms. Plus! I didn't even come close to seeing David Beckham. I heard Tom Cruise was there in a 5th floor suite. That's the way to go to those things, two bodyguards and one large suite. Now I'm not usually the stalker star kind of girl, but here we were watching one of the best soccer teams in the world (real madrid) and I couldn't help myself. Also, my bestfriend Bella2863 saw Brad Pitt AND George Clooney this week in Vegas (at Prime) and I was pretty sure that my luck could run as well as hers. No luck.
I believe babygirl decided to turn 2 instantly. Somewhere between 40-45 minutes of play... she turned into a VERY hard headed girl. She fell (lots), spilled on the neighbors (lots), screamed and cried and wouldn't let me hold her, her hand on the cement stairs, or my hand over her mouth. (jk)
I guess it's my fault that she's like that. Very stubborn. We couldn't ever feed her - she has always wanted to do it herself. Now, she insists on climbing into her carseat by herself. With a scream of "BOPP!" if you try and help her.
So, when I was crawling inside of the bouncy house to drag my beautiful babygirl out in a tantrum big enough for, well, me, I thought to myself... why am I doing this alone? Why? When I thought about the $200 I had spent on tickets (plus $10 for parking and $18 for water and lemonade) and I had been stood up. By my husband. I cried. I ran out of the arena. Walked the two miles to the car... saw the sunset...and wished on stars.

Say it with food

2006-08-04T15:42:00.000-06:00

It is so hard to describe how I feel about otterbutt leaving. She and I have had such a great friendship over the last five years. I do know that she is on quite an adventure. I am proud of her for making such a grand acheivement. In fact, the best thing to have learned is that life throws you things that aren't always your top pick and it's what you do and how you survive that not only makes life more exciting, but more honest.

Le Menu de Guilte

Grilled Fingerling Potatoes
Asparagus with olive oil
Sauteed Mushrooms
New York Steak
Herb Grilled Shrimp
Opus One
Fresh Blueberry Pie

It is the chef I will miss the most. The improvisational master in the kitchen. The masterful hand at chopping and peeling. The finite rules of cleaning each dish. The smell of her kitchen.
These things do not travel in mail, email or blog.

I will have to go to her.

2006-07-27T11:22:00.000-06:00

Thank you hugh! you made my day!

Otterbutt's butter baby

2006-07-16T08:53:00.000-06:00

It's Zo's birthday. She's one year old already. She, so small, so courageous, so loving, so happy. She is brave and crazy. Like me. She holds her smile so proudly. So unaffected. Unlike me.

Our family tends to handle stressful and emotional times... terribly. We all feel so much. Apathy? Empathy? Fear? Words are often used as weapons. Glances are used as swords.

So as we head to a happy birthday party, I will try to not think of it as a going away party. But, in a sense, it is one.

Zo likes to eat onions. She smiles and points to what she wants. Her limbs are tiny and her plump cheeks are made of sweetness. She speaks in goose/teradactyl and she is soft. I am in love with her, and every time I see her I fall in love again.

Wesley Smiles

2006-07-12T10:29:00.000-06:00

http://www.wesleysmiles.com/

When you just don't know how to keep moving on and you see the power that people have in times of devastation and pain, it revitalizes hope.

Wesley attended school with my son. Please take a moment to go to this website.

Be inspired, be generous.

Where is Bob Dylan?

2006-07-05T21:30:00.000-06:00

I am watching a PBS documentary series about Bob Dylan, directed by Martin Scorsese. I am actually worried that there is no one willing to stand up against the atrocities. The hypocrisies, the nuclear bombings (Korea), the drought (Africa), insufficient healthcare (u.s) , the starvation (everywhere), the current holocaust (Darfur).

It's not that he sang songs necessarily about "folksy" reform but - Like a Rolling Stone, Mr. Tamborine Man. These are the songs that shaped my parents, shaped my thoughts of a less selfish world. I wasn't alive when written, or performed live, or written about in music magazines, but I read novels based on these songs, sang them by fireside, and was sung to sleep by them. "The American Masters" on PBS is a fantastic exploration of what shaped our songs, our lives.

Ok, so I'm concerned that Jack Johnson and Coldplay might just not hope. As I don't.

No voice can hope to hum the ocean wild.. the seaweed's woven strands, they crash in waves like cymbals, against the rocks and the sand... lay down your weary.. lay down the song the song you strum and rest yourself in strength of strings, no voice can hope to hum...I gaze down in the river's mirror... and what I saw... like a hawk it hung.... lay down your weary... lay down the song...

Ring a ding ding

2006-07-04T09:20:00.000-06:00

Kendall-Jackson is indeed engaged. Such a beautiful thing! I personally love weddings. I love everything about them. Although I may have had more than my fair share, I still love the ceremony - the official beginning. And she and the Lt. will make a lovely life together.

As I peer out into my seventh year of marriage, I find that the fondest memories are brief moments. I believe the itches have come and gone and that we are embarking on a new adventure together. We discussed, like grownups, who would drive and pick up kids from school. We laugh at the same things and we can finally breathe together.

If they were to listen to any advice (and if I could stand to give it) I would say that the truly honest moments are the best - the quiet moments. And if, you could do it again... do it.

No

2006-06-29T09:51:00.000-06:00

I will need the entire painting to fill the enormity of the space between us.

It is the touch of her hand, they way she sees me.

Her powerful eyes reading mine.

It is not loss that I fear.

It is the space in between.

The pauses between laughter,

missing the sweet smell of baby smiles,

the middle of things.

Suduko's Life Lessons

2006-06-23T13:11:00.000-06:00

Among other things, I learned a lot about myself on my vacation. More about that next time...

These are the things I learned by playing Suduko for 10 days straight.

1. Keep an Open Mind
2. Don't be afraid of mistakes
3. Buy a big eraser (fix problems as soon as you realize them).
4. Be able to laugh at yourself.
5. Remember that 2 steps forward and 1 step back is still better than standing still.
6. Fear of failure keeps you stuck.
7. Learn from all your past successes and failures.
8. Take time for yourself.
9. Acknowledge your wins.

Miss

2006-06-16T21:31:00.000-06:00

I miss the stars.
I miss the smell of grass - the certain air of mountains.
I am certain that decency is relative.
I am in the wrong time zone.
I am weary of those who assume that children are novelty, not citizen.
I have no assumption that those who know how to type shall be secretaries and those that don't shall be CFO.
The world is tipsy on it's axis.
I am an outsider. I pump my own gas, hate dirt under my nails, would rather eat fish that peanut and butter and I'm near the ocean!
The 75 year old, mother of three, no retirement fund, no resources. She is scared and greedy. Most of all, she is in need and so afraid. Afraid of life without her husband, afraid of life without her kids, and she is afraid of being alone in this awful world.
He shows no desire to be included. He has no interest in the here and now. The tape player is a novelty. The DVD is incomprehensible. He still carrries his "wireless" am radio to the beach, his children and grandchild in tow. His eldest with a wireless playstation and his youngest with a cellphone in her hand.

They can not understand the languages - they all have different codes.

Biking, emailing, signing, talking, laughing, all beyond his hearing.

How do you live on this small island of a world?

So close, with internet,
and so far away in life.

Hitchhikers Guide to Free Room and Board

2006-06-02T10:46:00.000-06:00

One thing I have always loved about Husband is that he is genuinely trusting. So, when he called me last night and said honey I picked up a hitchhiker on my way back from Moab and he's coming to stay with us, I said oh.

Yes, we have two small children.

Yes, I was worried.

Yes, I cooked them dinner and made up the bed.

His name was Wil and he is from England. I am all for the wanderlust spirit, but I am not so sure that I am comfortable with strangers. We watched a little tv "Flipper" and I played SUDUKO (my new obsession). I thought, well, this is pretty darn american of us. What should he do while he's in SL,UT? I had no ideas. The Mountains. Sure are purdy. He just stood on I70 for two hours so I was pretty sure he was allright with boredom. This just might be the place.

I took his backpack and water jug into our guest room. Took all of the clothes, sheets, rags, and teddy bears off the bed and turned the nightlight on so he could be comfortable. Heck, free beer, dinner and semi-clean sheets. Better than a hostel anyday.

I'm chalking this up as charity. My giving soul.

Anti-running

2006-05-27T12:37:00.000-06:00

Alas, I tried to run. I tried and tried. 730am, Saturday morning, sun shining, birds chirping, baby girl in stroller. And while I did not have a mishap like Otterbutt and her pants, I did just plain old hate it.
So today I took any excuse to not go on another run.
1) The kids are sick.
2) The kids shouldn't be out in the rain (if it rains) .
3) There is a perfectly good bottle of wine in the fridge just staring at me.
4) I haven't blogged in awhile.
5) Walking to the liquor store with both kids just seems, sad.
6) I had MESOTHERAPIE done to shrink my post-baby belly. (yes, she's almost two)

Oh, you don't know what MESOTHERAPIE is? Well, from http://www.spa-medical.com/Mesotherapy.html

Mesotherapie is a true European therapy for reducing inches or rejuvenating the skin. Originally pioneered in the 1950s by French physician Dr. Michel Pistor, is the painless injection of vitamins, minerals, medications, and amino acids placed just under the surface of the skin.

I let Dr. Beaverskinner inject me with "medications". He said, so where the lime green panties go. Why was I wearing lime green panties? He began shooting me up. I uttered "it's like harpooning a whale" and that made me laugh which made my belly shake. Quite embarassing. The next day it felt like my fat had been exploded and I swelled up like a balloon. But, several days later I do see a difference. In fact, it may motivate me to run again. Tomorrow of course.

Nothing

2006-05-08T12:58:00.000-06:00

While Otterbutt graduated with her PhD and painted a bathroom all by herself...
While Dr. Write took the recycling AND the garbage out sans husband...
While Otterbutt received oodles of ipod gifts and fancy wine...
While P wrote a 15 page paper on whoknowswhat...
While 5 year old golfed 18 holes with a frisbee...
While Husband took 5 year old to "drunken doubles tourney"...

I watched:
"The Interpreter" - I love Sean Penn.
"Air Force One" - Han Solo rocks
"Sopranos" - I want to grow up and be Tony Soprano.
"Big Love" - I do NOT want to be a poly - anything.
"Grey's Anatomy" - I too am scary and damaged.
"Pulp Fiction" - that gimp scene is too much!
"Entourage" - yummy
"Penn and Teller" - Boy Scouts of America is a scam that steals tax dollars for a private institution.

One good thing is that I managed to get Wasatch Dance Collective a permanent 501(c)3 non profit status. Ha! No money in that!!

Are you still shaving?

2006-04-24T15:24:00.000-06:00

I was driving to Provo and among other billboards (missionaries.com etc) I saw a cute girl and a hairless man laughing at me. The sign read... are you still shaving? I have a great story about that! So, it's called laser hair removal. It sounds scary - and it should. My friend Agent Larsen and I went to the doctor together. Laser technician (tall, skinny, 22, hairless) asked us all sorts of questions about our hair color (real) and our skin type (white). After telling us that she just loves LHR because she will never have to shave and shows us her lovely armpits. Not one little bump! We immediately sign up for arm pits too!

She proceeded to ask if we had any other questions for her. We sure did. Including: does it hurt, will I cry, do I need to drink a lot before I do this????

Then she asks us to furrow our brows (at this point she could have told me to do a back flip and I would have as in awe I was with her hairless wonderbeastness). Do you know about botox? What about flimagkauretan? She said she could irridiate and/or contaminate any ol' body part we'd like.

We should have taken the power outage to heart at that point.

But no, we go back several days later prepared for Dr. Beaverskinner and his infamous hailesswonderbeasts. Well, actually we were NOT prepared. I volunteered to go first and the Intimidatingly Beautiful Tech asked me to take off my pants. I said right here? And got into a dentist's chair. When she handed me the goggles I should have ran out the door with my pants in the heap they were in!!! She proceeds to Laser my "bikini" wherein I found new swear words. In keeping with our patnership Agent Larsen was in the waiting room listening to me scream. When she approached my nether regions I asked her to stop and said God probably meant to put hair there and not to touch anything else down there ever again!! Then, she went to my armpits where the words "holy mother of ..." came out of my mouth more than once.

The worst part, was Agent Larsen, who was in so much pain that she received a BRUISE from the IBT as she probably had to sit on her to keep her still. Her goggles kept fogging up! She emerged red faced and MAD! We proceeded to the Hideout where our lovely waitress procured a shot for us entitled "Pink Tacos".

Worst of all, we have to go back 5 more times!! Then, our hairlesswonderbeast status will be true.

I love my Ipex!

2006-04-12T10:47:00.000-06:00

I am in love. With my bra. For those of you who may not know, the IPEX bra available at Victoria's Secret is the absolutely best bra ever. It is fantastic. I also have another witness. My twin sister and I have been trying new bras and spending a fortune on every new item in order to keep the melons lifted. And we both love this bra! It is a hefty price tag for an underclothes purchase - but it's so comfortable you can sleep in it! That is by far the best thing going on underneath my clothes lately anyway.

As far as my nether regions go, I tried a new hair removal technique which I did not love. I went to a Laser clinic to get my beaver skinned. Man, did that kill. It was probably the most painful voluntary procedure I've ever endured. And I've waxed! Sure it wasn't like childbirth - but the drugs are better for birth. Soon I will be a hairless wonder beast - jeaolus?

My Name is Earl

2006-04-03T09:24:00.000-06:00

In the spirit of the show "My Name is Earl" I began thinking about all the things I have done in my life that could be considered "bad karma". I am not up to Earl's scale (Thursdays on NBC) but the reality of life rarely fits into sketch comedy. But, there are a few things I could put on my list and apologize for - in order for the karma wheel to spin on the flip side for a bit.

I invited my sister over for breakfast and then ate all of the crepes before she got there.
I gave away my cat to my overly catted sister.
I slapped my other sister. (more recently than I care to admit)
I gave my mother a bruise on her arm. (not on purpose)
I'm pretty sure I killed my own rabbit.
I stole a frog from the Baby Gap.
I told my friend she was "worse than a cliche" and we didn't talk for a year.
I call the new girl at work "QVC".
I was more than thirty minutes late for a dinner date.
I have not sent my best friend in 7th grade a wedding present.

This is just the beginning. I guess I'll just take it one by one.

Good Mother

2006-03-19T10:34:00.000-07:00

Am I a good mother for going to Build-A-Bear Workshop with a 5 year old and an 18 month old baby? Am I a good mother for standing in a 1.5 hour line? Am I a good mother for not murdering "Jerry" the Build-A-Bear Workshop employee who kept poking my baby whilst in said line.

It's amazing what guilt can do to a girl.

I always thought I would be a nutritionist/pacifist/healthy kind of mom, when in reality I am a Mcdonald's going/SUV driving/soon to be soccer mom. I left with both kids (only one screaming) two new bears built with "love" and I didn't even yell. That is the best I can do - so yes I'm a good mother.

For further shock, I finally put Lily's pictures of her first year in a photo album. Here in Utah, that's called scrapbooking. It's true. You may not recognize me - I am the fat, scrapbooking mom who is pushing two kids through the mall frantically looking for presents at Hot Topic.

Paris

2006-03-16T10:31:00.000-07:00

Last night I enjoyed dinner and laughs at my favorite SL bistro, The Paris, with my favorite dinner companion, Dr. Otterbutt. The evening was nearly destroyed by my 30 MINUTE tardiness, but was saved by a great waiter, wine list and daily special.

We ordered a smooth Cotes du Rhone which was delicious. It paired nicely with the entrecote steak, which we learned is a cut of meat from between the 9th and 10th rib and it's sort of a ribeye/filet. It was not as tender as we have had before at The Paris, but was nestled on a bed of arugula Again, I am forever in love with sides. We also tried the Arctic Char that we had seared and then finished off in the oven served with a gorgeous arugula and fennel salad. Their classic preparation served with the daily special side. It goes to show that with a little ingenuity you can create an entirely new meal by just asking for different sides.

I am sad to admit that before this lovely event, I had a meeting at the Oyter Bar. There, we ordered a bottle of Distant Bay Pinot Noir which was half the price of the Kings Estate and pretty good. Very mellow. My guest ordered the Cioppino which none of us had ever tried before. I tasted a scallop and was thrilled to know that the tomato broth was extremely tasty. I would definitely order that again. My other guest ordered the chili. Beef chili. It was spicy and filled with green peppers.

My gluttony does not end there - oh no. I'm sure I can drum up something else today.

Sopranos

2006-03-12T09:27:00.000-07:00

I can not wait until tonight's sixth (and final) season premiere. Oh there a plenty of questions. Will Carmella build a "room of her own" with this new escapade. And now that Anthony Jr. is of age, is he a part of his father's business? I haven't watched any previews because I want to be totally surprised.

Last season, Johnny Sac was arrested and Tony escaped literally through the woods. Does that leave NYC up for grabs for Tony's crew? Is Uncle Junior going to die leaving Tony in total control?

It is difficult on Sunday evenings now, the L Word, Sleeper Cell, Grey's Anatomy, and now Sopranos. I do have to say that cable networks are changing the way we watch television and as for my profession, I believe that we will need to get creative in order to embrace the viewer within their new habits.

So, make a manicotti, and dig in. For today is the start of a new day in Jersey.

Baci

2006-03-07T08:35:00.000-07:00

After a late work meeting, I went to Baci last night and was excited to see a new special menu. I ordered the ahi - which was nice and made better with the addition of brussels. Baby vegetables are so thrilling. It was served atop a plasticky polenta which could have been much tastier and creamier. I also tasted the chicken piccata which is reliable and had a hint of depth. The cambazola appetizer is the best thing on the menu as it comes with an entire head of roasted garlic. We began with Sonoma-Cutrer Chardonnay (too spendy) and then on to reliable Kendall Jackson. Not too bad of a pair with the fish and the chicken.

Tonight I am planning on a special dinner with Nikki. We may do one our favorites, Napa Cabbage Pasta. Something that incorporates cauliflower and pancetta with napa cabbage and a little heat. Or, I might take a trip to Snider's and see what they have that looks good. Sadly, I am in the mood for pork chops and I'm sure that I was seven the last time I had them. Pork chops are not very popular in our semi kosher/no nuts or salmon/i'm on a diet and like cheesesteaks house.

Work was ridiculous yesterday. What do you get when you put six car dealers together vying to woo a winner into picking their car? You get a car dealer who bribes the winner with cash. Lovely. I love america.

I am addicted to Sleeper Cell on Showtime and would suggest taking the day and watching the first season today. I have so much more knowledge about Muslims. Although I don't understand it (faith mostly) I do understand those that choose to fight against America and our self-imposed grandeur.

I do understand their hatred, particularly when I realize that South Dakota is trying to change how our country deals with abortion. Abortions are banned - even in cases of rape or insest. This is not a good day.

Doctors

2006-03-02T11:22:00.000-07:00

My sister defended her dissertation yesterday and is now (and will forever be) a doctor. She did this with her baby in tow which is not only admirable but brave. I don't know the definition of proud so I will go and look it up.

proud (adj.) 1. feeling pleasurable satisfaction over an act, a possession, a quality, or a relationship used to measure one's stature or self-worth.

That is it.

I am proud because she is the first doctor in my family, the only one on my mother's side. Most children who have success in education, particularly at this level, often have mothers, fathers or someone who has been there and been a mentor. Nicole paved her path with her brilliance and wit. She struggled to perservere and finally can take a deep breath. A deep breath of satisfaction.

Her poetry is direct and beautifully describes the intersection of geography, nature and science.

I am honored to know her.

2006-02-20T08:39:00.000-07:00

First Birthdays

Wrestling

2006-02-19T08:51:00.000-07:00

We often say "no buttons" at our house. It occurs to me now, that you may be thinking that my child is wandering around picking up lost buttons and puting them in her mouth and nearly choking to death. No. She insists on turning on and off the television, the laptop, the cable, the vaccuum. While this must be a normal activity - I think it's a clear indication that we are WAY too wired. So as I sit here, she is wrestling me to hit the hibernate button. Which is just kind of annnoying.

Her only words are uh-oh and all done. hm.